


Fickle

by Singe_Addams



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 14:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/201989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singe_Addams/pseuds/Singe_Addams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pippin's wife, Diamond, talks him through the aftermath of a bitter nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fickle

Diamond knew that marriage to the Warrior Thain would come with a great deal of adventure but the nightmares he had? She hadn't counted on those. "Tell me," she whispered urgently, kissing him, "Tell me." Pippin slowly sank back into their large bed.

"When I...when I..." Pippin sighed and Diamond nodded. She adjusted her position until she was lying on his great chest and kept her face carefully neutral. Her hands on his shoulders began to knead his tense muscles. "I only wanted to take a look at the thing again but Gandalf was keeping it close, all tied up in a grey rag. The Palantir." Pippin savored the word and Diamond felt a layer of black dread coating her heart. "It's like a scrying ball thing that you read about in stories. Made of crystal and power. You could see your fortune in it or see the world or...talk to someone who had another Palantir. Mind to mind." Diamond shook her head at the magic of it but she believed him. Pippin smiled at her. "I waited until he was asleep and I decided to switch it for a round rock that I had found by the riverside. I crept up...not a soul heard me or saw me, not even Gandalf the White himself...and his hand was on it. I drew my knife," Diamond's eyes widened. "I drew my knife and I thought 'I could just kill him and take the thing for myself. That'll show him who was a fool of a Took!' and I could see his pulse beating in his neck and my blade was so sharp."

"Oh, Pippin. But you didn't!"

Peregrin Took rolled her back onto the bed and put a small distance between them. He looked at her with bleak eyes and she reached out to caress his face. He gently caught her hand and held it on his pillow. "No, I didn't. But I wanted to. I truly wanted to. That would have been the end of him and his insults and secrets. I...I was so close...he was completely in my power, mine, Pip the Half-Man no one cared about from the land of the Shire which no one heard about. Suddenly I was very, very important, you can imagine. I was powerful. I was larger than Gandalf ever was because I...I had his life in my hands and I thought 'Why not? Why not be evil and keep this strength forever? Being evil and strong was infinitely better than being good and weak, right?'" he asked his wife.

Diamond frantically shook her head. "No. No, it's not worth it."

"How would you know?" Pippin asked and she flinched as if he had shouted. "Did you ever make that choice? Did you ever have the opportunity? And I'm not talking about whether or not to steal your best friend's May Basket, Diamond. Did you ever have to choose Good and be beaten over being Evil and winning? Surviving?"

"No," she admitted. "And I pray I never have to. But what would you have won?" she whispered.

Pippin turned away and his face crumbled. "Death, most likely, but it seemed as if the entire world would have been gift wrapped and presented to me if I would only do this one...small...thing." He reached out and pulled her in close. She wrapped her arms around him and held on with all her diminutive strength. "I was so tired of not being in control. So tired of being thrown from one place to the next and from one creature to another. From Elves to Orcs to Ents to Men. Barely understanding what was going on." His voice was cracked and muffled in Diamond's hair. "I looked at the stone and it was surrounded by a red haze. It seemed Gandalf's fingers were black shadows against it. Then I blinked and it was gone. I remembered what my plan was and I tickled the hairs under his great, long nose with my knife. He lifted his hand off the stone and scratched at it and I made the switch, fast. I had what I wanted so I backed away."

Pippin's breath was ragged. "Something called me a coward. I thought it was my imagination. I crept away, hid out of camp, and unwrapped the Palantir from Gandalf's rag as I settled in to take a good long look." He ran a weary hand across his face.

"Oh, dearest," she whispered. "What did you see?"

"I saw him."

Diamond wondered what sort of wizard or elf or warrior could have caused this much pain. "Him?"

Remarkably, Pippin burst out laughing. It sounded like the dying gasps of a wild dog. "I saw Sauron. I saw what Evil truly was. I saw his red Eye." Diamond's mouth dropped open and Pippin nodded at her. "Yes, I saw Him and He saw me. He asked me what I was. I said 'A Hobbit.' and in my mind I was completely reduced from the Great Powerful Thing of only moments before to just a Hobbit again, a hairy little inconsequential thing with no more right to live than a dried-up dung beetle. He heard that and He laughed over the image in my head. Then I thought 'Maybe if I had gone ahead and killed Gandalf I would have been worth something?' and He agreed and laughed even harder. He practically roared. He felt wonderful. The best giggle he'd had in, oh, a couple thousand years and He was pleased with me. He gloated over me. Covetous bastard...I was his...all his and he was going to have great fun with me. And he promised me that there would be ample opportunity for me to do whatever I liked to whoever I liked, as soon as I came home to Him, and I was GLAD. We were in agreement, Him and I, we just couldn't wait." Diamond's eyes were huge.

"And He assured me I was a gem. The first good thing any of those Great People said to me and it came from Him. From Sauron. Sauron who would be Ruler of All as soon as I returned his own Lost Ring of Power to Him, And I realized, suddenly, that he had mistaken me for the Ringbearer. It was the final indignity and I threw back my head and screamed." Pippin laughed again. It was either laugh or kill himself she supposed and Diamond began to run her fingers through his hair. She was at a loss. She had nothing adequate to say and nothing appropriate to do so she simply cursed herself and continued to stroke her husband. "It was mighty embarrassing telling Gandalf that part of the story but tell it I did. And well I did or I would have lost his trust," Pippin wearily finished and sat up to fluff his pillow. His equilibrium and good sense was slowly returning and she was relieved to see it. He was calmer.

"Gandalf handed the Palantir over to, ah, someone else and took me away that very night. And it haunts my sleep to this day," he sighed. Suddenly he smiled at her and Diamond braced herself. "The way that One-Eyed Balrog-Buggering Bastard wounded my delicate pride." Diamond just smiled. One of her greatest strengths was knowing when _not_ to laugh at Pippin's jokes. She continued to evenly look at him and he soon groaned ruefully and gave it up. "It haunts my sleep, the way I earned Gandalf's respect at last. By not murdering him as he slept. By being honest about mine and Sauron's friendly little chat. By not being strong."

Diamond leaned over and kissed him. "By not being evil," she corrected. "You made your choice well." She tilted his chin up and kissed his throat. "As for the Balrog-Buggerer...he's long gone and serve him right for not even having the decency to get his Hobbits straight."

Pippin snorted. "Who can?" he asked and rolled over on top of her.

 

End


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